Sustainable Pace Beats Heroic Exhaustion

[00:00:00] Speaker A: So, first of all, be aware that our people out there actually doing this kind of stuff, which is so, you know, we. I'm not even gonna put my anger where those people need to be in. In my life. I'm just not gonna deal with that. I know we got some Singapore people. They probably got some capital punishment that I wish you would inflict on it, but I'm not gonna say anything more about that. [00:00:28] Speaker B: Happy New Year. [00:00:29] Speaker A: Hey. Hey. We're in the middle of it. The middle of the month, that is. [00:00:32] Speaker B: Yeah, we are. Yeah, we are. Well, it's good to be back. Good to be back in the. In the studio once again. [00:00:39] Speaker A: Yeah, we took a little hiatus, but that's all right. Everybody needs a break. [00:00:43] Speaker B: That's right. Before we get going, I want to do one quick thing here. I want to throw a shout out to Singapore. We have, apparently, a new listener or two in Singapore, and we've noticed it, and we appreciate you. Welcome. Welcome to the show. [00:00:57] Speaker A: All right, so we got people on the far side of the world listening to us, man. [00:01:02] Speaker B: And that's fantastic. [00:01:03] Speaker A: That is fantastic. [00:01:05] Speaker B: So I tell you what. I want to talk about something. [00:01:08] Speaker A: Okay. [00:01:08] Speaker B: You know, I got something to say. [00:01:09] Speaker A: Yes, sir. I know that stance, that view. I can see it in your face. You're ready to go. [00:01:15] Speaker B: So, as listeners of the show may know, I've been. We've been working on some real estate deals with my dad. We got him moved over to a new house, and we're in the process of getting his old house ready to sell. And we're very close on that. I've been spending a lot of time this week on it. And while I was there the other day, I kind of tweaked my back and my hip just a little bit, and. And I gotta tell you, if I'm honest about it, it wasn't really because it was all that hard, what I was doing. It was because I decided to finish everything. And that is something that we call completion bias, boys and girls. [00:01:50] Speaker A: Mm. [00:01:50] Speaker B: It's your brain's addiction to finishing the job. And it's that voice that says, well, I'll just finish this room, or I'll just knock out the rest of this list. Even though you're already tired and you probably should have stopped half an hour ago, I know you've been there. [00:02:06] Speaker A: That's called perfectionist syndrome, too. [00:02:09] Speaker B: A little bit. Yeah. A little bit. So I just wanted to bring it up because I think caregiving is the perfect trap for this and because really, because the work is never actually Done, there's always one more thing. So you stay longer, you lift one more thing, you clean one more area, and you know, that's how your back gets tweaked or your hips get angry or you burnout sneaks up on you and you get, you know, you start snapping and that kind of thing. Here's the deal, though. Caregiving is not a completion game. It's a sustainability game. So try if you can. [00:02:46] Speaker A: Amen to that. [00:02:47] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, really. So if you can do this. And I, I'm terrible at it. I'm learning, I'm trying to decide in advance how much you're going to do and stop when you hit that limit, even if it. The task isn't finished. I mean, in this world, stopping at a sensible point is often more responsible than finishing the job. So I think there's an antidote to it. And this is, I'm learning this myself and I'm trying to get my head around it, and I'm hoping that some of our listeners, this might resonate with them too, is something called energy budgeting. So instead of your, instead of asking yourself, what can I get done today? You ask, how much energy do I have to spend today? And you spend that and not more. So think of your energy like money. If you blow the whole budget on one trip or one task, you're broke for the rest of the day or the next two days if you stove your backup in the process of that. So energy budgeting means you decide in advance, I'm going to work for two hours or I'm going to do three tasks or I'm going to stop before I'm tired. And then when you hit that limit, you stop, even if things are still messy. [00:03:56] Speaker A: I think that's a really good thing to do. Yeah, I've approached this in a different way, but probably in the same manner, the same solution, the same endpoint, which is, okay, we're going to do this for 30 minutes, and at the end of 30 minutes, we decide whether it's worth doing another 30. And I think that's, that's another way of doing it. And I think it's the same kind of thing where, you know, there's a lot of things that you should probably just let sit a little bit. Messages to important people. You know, it's not pronounced. It's not being, it's not. What's the word I'm looking for? You're not, you're not being a hero. A hero by getting it all done at once. Procrastination. Is not the same as budgeting your energy for the task at hand. So give yourself a break. Understand that if you feel tired or you look tired or you act tired, you're probably setting yourself up for something or a reaction that you may not want to have in front of your loved one. So pace yourself. [00:04:56] Speaker B: Really do. And you got to change your goals. I mean, the caregiving. The goal is not to win today. The goal is to still be functional next week. [00:05:04] Speaker A: Yep. [00:05:04] Speaker B: Sustainable pace beats heroic exhaustion every time. I mean, we really got to. I have to talk to myself about this a little bit more because I get in the thick of it, and that's. [00:05:15] Speaker A: An audience is probably realizing. We probably trying to convince ourselves because we are by nature, both of us wanted to get things perfect. And you don't have to do that. [00:05:24] Speaker B: I want it checked especially fast. I want the loop closed. Yeah. Yeah. It's nuts. [00:05:29] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:05:29] Speaker B: So anyway, I want to throw that one out there and try to. Again, I'm talking to myself as much as I am anybody else that it's. There's too many people that depend on me to. For me to be hurt and have a downtime. So that's really. The goal, is to be able to help people. If I. If I can't. If I can't function, then I'm not helping anybody. So it's better to leave some things undone and. And get some rest and be kind to yourself than to try to get it all done. So. [00:05:58] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:05:59] Speaker B: Yay. Self therapy. [00:06:00] Speaker A: Here we go. Yeah. I think this is a really good approach to look at it, and it does take practice, and you have to remind yourself with it. And, you know, I remind things. I try to unfold it into my serenity view of the world, which is you make. Can you make a contrib a contribution to the progress of this problem, or are you now in the way of it because you're tired, you're not thinking, you're not. You're not happy. Stop. Go enjoy a little bit of life with your loved one. Y' all have ice cream together, watch a show, do something and get your mind off it. And then approach it in a different way. And sometimes your mind goes. You know, there was another way to do that. [00:06:35] Speaker B: Yep. [00:06:35] Speaker A: Another way to handle that. [00:06:37] Speaker B: You know, and I think there's actually another level to it, too. Sometimes I think trying to get everything done is a little bit of a distraction because maybe you're uncomfortable. And, you know, you've. We. You've talked with your, you know, your loved ones about everything that you know, to talk about today and, or you've, you know, you've, you, you've heard, you've, you've watched the show that's on TV rerun a thousand times, and you really just want something to help occupy your mind while you're there. And you know, there, there's, there's a level of that too. But don't let trying to escape, whatever it is you're trying to escape, kill you because you're overdoing yourself, you know. [00:07:15] Speaker A: And it is perfectly okay to say, hey, I need a break. [00:07:20] Speaker B: Yep, I'm out. [00:07:21] Speaker A: I'm out for a second. I'll be back 20 minutes. [00:07:23] Speaker B: Okay? [00:07:24] Speaker A: It's okay. [00:07:25] Speaker B: Absolutely, absolutely. Have a little quiet time for real quiet time. So I think that's a, that, you know, that, that's, that's pretty good on that, on that subject. But I've got a quick thing I wanted to throw out as a PSA here. Just a little public service announcement, y'. [00:07:40] Speaker A: All. [00:07:41] Speaker B: Norovirus is going around, going around some assisted living facilities. And this thing is nasty. I mean, it can wipe out your whole house in about 36 hours. So it's in stuff is insanely contagious. And here's the thing, most people get wrong and don't realize, hand sanitizer does not reliably kill it. You got to have soap and water, real washing all the time. If somebody is in your house who's sick, you got to isolate them if you can. Don't let them prep food and clean surfaces with. You need to clean the surfaces with beach bleach. I can't even speak today with bleach based disinfectant. Get the toilets, get the door handles, get the remotes, get the phones, all of it. You gotta wash contaminated clothes and bedding in hot water, and I'll dry it on high heat. And here's the rule everybody breaks. Stay home and avoid other people for 48 hours after the symptoms stop. You're still contagious even when you feel mostly fine. So if you. And if you're caring for an older adult, watch for dehydration, dizziness, confusion, dry mouth, or, you know, just, or just not urinating much. And call the doctor if the fluids won't stay down. The bottom line really is norovirus is not a power through it kind of illness. It's a containment exercise. So bleach patients saves households and relationships. And the one other little small thing that I didn't know, I didn't know, but I learned this time is that One of the major ways that it travels can be on shoes, because I think, you know, it can be on carpets. It gets on the bottom of your shoes. You don't think about it. When you come back to your house, you maybe take your shoes off, it gets on your hands, and then from there it can get into places that it doesn't need to get into, and it can be really bad. So watch out for that. If you know you're going into a place that's got norovirus, like unassisted living facility at this time of the year, suit up, wear a mask, wear some gloves, even put something on your. On your shoes if you can. The other day, my. I'm saying all this because my aunt called me the other. Her assisted living facility has a case of this right now, and she needed me to bring some supplies. So I looked like I was going into some sort of contagion sci fi movie. But I mean, I had on blue gloves, I had on a mask, I had Walmart bags on my shoes. When I walked into the place, I got some funny looks, but I didn't stay but about two minutes and I was out. And all that stuff went into his trash bag as soon as I walked out of the. Out of the place. So I don't think you can be too careful with this stuff. [00:10:11] Speaker A: I think you're right. And this is not the same as, you know, Covid scare or anything like that. Covid was bad. But norovirus has a lot of unique things that Barry just kind of warned you about. And they're serious. [00:10:23] Speaker B: Let's just say it comes out both ends. [00:10:25] Speaker A: It sure does. But there is not the only disease that's out there. We in South Carolina are experiencing a measle epidemic, and it has some of the same things that go along with it. I looked this up, Barry, when you told me this at lunch. It has the same characteristics. It's a highly contagious disease. It actually can stay in the air for more than two hours. Goodness, you got to be really careful about that. And then we are also experiencing a high level of flu. And a flu that. That for older people can be very dangerous, too. So this is the time of year where you need to be careful for sure. So. And we're saying that because as a caregiver, you're probably dealing with loved ones who are of the age that's acceptable this. So especially if they have anything to do with. If they're one of the ones that. That can't be vaccinated, if they're going through cancer treatment for something like that. You gotta be really careful. So be aware and do things to. To reduce their risk. You're probably okay if you're. You, Barry and I are probably okay. But what you want to avoid is it's exposing them. [00:11:32] Speaker B: Yeah, no doubt. [00:11:33] Speaker A: Just complicates their lives in ways you just don't want to. [00:11:36] Speaker B: Yeah. And, you know, I'm. I'm. I still worry about it. And I'm vaccinated. Vaccinated for practically everything. [00:11:43] Speaker A: So it's just one of those things have to be. And yeah, Barry and I are linchpins in the support system for several people. So like you said before, if we go down, it's not just the loved one taken care of, it's the other one taken care of too, that suffers. And so, yeah, just be careful. [00:12:00] Speaker B: Be careful about. That kind of stuff will happen at the least possible. [00:12:05] Speaker A: Of course it will. [00:12:06] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, really, at the worst possible time. So. [00:12:09] Speaker A: So I got a funny story to tell you. It's funny, but it's not funny. So my mother called me a couple of days ago. She said she was. She hugged the phone and said, bobby, I hope you're okay. I said, what. What's going on? I'm okay. Usually I'm the one asking you. So I called back and I talked to my caregiver and she said, well, we picked up the phone and someone was on the phone pretending to be me, saying I had a nosebleed. Please send money. [00:12:38] Speaker B: Oh my goodness, really? [00:12:39] Speaker A: And so I said, you gotta be kidding me. [00:12:41] Speaker B: But you gonna wipe your nose with the dollar bills? I mean, come on. [00:12:43] Speaker A: What's that gonna do that's gonna help me? So that's. That's kind of funny. But my mom was taken aback cause she could not tell it was not me or not. And she was very assistant to call me back. And this is how these kinds of things work. The acceptability for some of our loved ones that if they think anything is wrong with the people who are taking care of them, their focus is on getting back to that person. And somehow that sets them up for these kind of traps. So first of all, be aware that there are people out there actually doing this kind of stuff, which is so, you know, we. I'm not even gonna put my anger or where those people need to be in my life. I'm just not gonna deal with that. I know we got some single bore people. They probably got some capital punishment that I wish you would infl on it, but I'm not going to say anything more about that. [00:13:26] Speaker B: But the other thing, spitting on the sidewalk is bad. [00:13:28] Speaker A: Yeah. You know, it's like, come on. So it. So at this point, I guess you need to be aware that there are scams about that they're not through yet. And even though Christmas is done and we're in the new year, they're still trying, they're still coming up with different ideas until the fact I heard some well known podcasters that I trust, and Barry knows who this is, who actually almost fell for it. So even the most experienced of people, even people like us, they're getting good enough that they'll get you. So pay attention. Don't pull out your card when you're half asleep in the middle of the night. There's no need to do that. Wait in the morning like you said, you don't have to finish it. You can wait till something else. [00:14:08] Speaker B: The others can wait. [00:14:10] Speaker A: Just be aware that there are people out to, to take advantage. And you're this and you're the protection. So check that email address, don't answer that, recall, block that, that spam. Do whatever you have to do. And we've got. I could go into a while of things that we've already talked about on how you can do those kinds of things, and I'll talk about the IRS in a second. But you know, IRS is never going to call you and ask you for money. That's not going to happen. [00:14:36] Speaker B: So one of my favorites lately that get on my nerves are political, political texts that are from, from the side of the aisle that I generally would support, wanting me to send money to help with, you know, whatever the cause is right now. I would never follow a link in a text message to me and give money to anybody. I'm just not going to do that. It's maybe if I wanted to support them though, I'd go find the right proper web address for that and then their, you know, their, their actual campaign website. But I would never follow a link and do that. I always delete and report spam, even if it's somebody that I would agree with politically. I do not, I do not do that. I don't play that. [00:15:18] Speaker A: Yeah, using a text message to do your donations is not a good practice. Find that website, find their page, make sure it's worthy of and deal with it from front. So identify and confirm as much as possible. [00:15:34] Speaker B: No doubt. [00:15:34] Speaker A: So let me tell you just a reminder too, about the irs. All right? So I think back in our September podcast, I kind of saw this and made A point of it before that. The IRS has now officially started to phase out whether they will mail you a paper refund anymore. So they will not send you a check anymore. They want you to have direct deposit. Or there's some other options that I will put in our show notes that you can look at and you can get exemptions to this kind of rule. But as of September 30th of 2025, there are no more paper refund checks being sent out. You have to make other arrangements. And what are those other arrangements? Well, direct deposit is the most important one, but you can also do prepaid debit cards and deposit information. So they can actually send a deposit like via Zelle or something like that. Okay. And then there are other notable payment options that you could do. IRS direct pay, you can do a electronic federal payment system and those kinds of things. There's a lot of information about that. If you're doing taxes for your loved one, and you probably are this time, be aware, if they get a refund, it must be. It must have one of those things approved ways of doing it. So that might require you talking to your tax preparer a little earlier, maybe checking and asking, mom, hey, you're not expecting no paper check to come and then have a conversation about, you know, how do you do that? So you can set up direct deposit towards hiries. That's very easy to do. So just make sure you do that. [00:17:04] Speaker B: That's very, very good advice. [00:17:06] Speaker A: And I'll throw some show notes in there so you can see there's a little bit information. [00:17:10] Speaker B: I'd say it's probably a good idea to go ahead and set that up ahead of time, you know. Yes, it is with IRS.gov, go ahead and be doing that now. Not at the last minute, you know. [00:17:18] Speaker A: No, not when you write, not on the 15th when you're trying to turn it in or something like that. [00:17:22] Speaker B: That's not the time for that sort of thing. [00:17:24] Speaker A: It's not the time for sure. If you're ever at your reminder, you can get exemption. An exemption is very easy to get, so you can call a tax preparer and ask for some extension time. Now, they may charge you some interest if you owe money, but if you're trying to get money, they can usually. [00:17:42] Speaker B: Do that for you. So again, and just to be clear, as a note, you can still write checks to pay your IRS bill. [00:17:49] Speaker A: Yes, but they won't send you a. [00:17:50] Speaker B: Check as a refund. [00:17:52] Speaker A: It's the refund. [00:17:54] Speaker B: There you go. Well, I got a couple of things too. One is I want to give an update on the parking lot list. If your listeners were listening to our last episode, I was going off on a tirade about, about being, being, being assigned task in the midst of actually doing other tasks. And I came up with a, with a, with a method that I'm experimenting with right now. It's that just stop at what I'm doing for a moment and expressing to my, my, my dad, okay, I'm going to put that on the list and then we'll, we'll talk about that at a later date. And so far that's actually working pretty good. And in combination with the weight, if it's something questionable, wait till you hear that request more than once before you actually decide to do it. And it's working really good. And I found that some of these tasks get solved before I have to do anything with them. Some of these tasks actually just get deleted because, yeah, I didn't really want to do that. And I've had good luck with being able to delegate some of these things that I am not local to do. So it's, it's actually working. So I'm going to keep, I'm probably going to tweak it a little bit, but it's still, still working out pretty good. And this brings me to something that this is going to be a little, another little therapy seg segment here. [00:19:09] Speaker A: We've been doing that a lot lately. And it's, it's good, it's good. [00:19:12] Speaker B: I've got, I've got all kinds of lists. You know, my, I have, I use Apple reminders. It's one of my key cornerstones for getting stuff done. And I have a lot of things on there. And one of the things, since my mom passed away a couple years back, I have closed pretty much all the loops on that, except for I have not deleted my mother's email account. And I don't quite understand why I haven't done it yet. It's still on my list and I put it back off for a month or two and then it comes back again and do it again. But I know there's a finality to that, but it is an open loop and I think it's something that I should do because honestly, it's a, it can be a security vector. [00:19:57] Speaker A: Yeah, it can. [00:19:58] Speaker B: It really can. It can be a phishing vector and things like that, but there's that. It has an extremely good password on it and it's, it's just sitting out there. But pretty soon now, hopefully by the time we have the next episode, I will have gone, gone ahead and closed that loop and checked off the last project when it comes to all the affairs of my mom's estate. So wish me luck on that one and we'll see if it actually happens. [00:20:23] Speaker A: Listen, brother, I understand I'm looking at an iPad right now that belonged to my sister who passed away about three years ago. Actually, more than that. Now, this is 2026. She died in 2021. So that's five years ago. Still. Part of me is still not wanting to do the vector change I need to make to erase that iPad and set it up. And, you know, it's one of those things, if you do now what. It's the finality of it, right? [00:20:49] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:49] Speaker A: So it's. I don't know, it's sometimes like that, you know, you do what you can to hold on to people and it's probably going to sit there for a long time because it's an old iPad. I can't do anything with it, but maybe use that as a clock. But. But I'm looking right at it and every time I see it, I reminded of her. So I understand. I get it. [00:21:06] Speaker B: Yep, you get it. [00:21:07] Speaker A: Same thing with my father. Some of my father's accounts, too. So it's, you know, I don't want to say it's part of the grieving process, but it's the last part of it that gives you a finality of things happen. And I can understand how you might want to hold on to that. [00:21:20] Speaker B: Yeah, for sure. For sure. So sitting here, looking at our list, I think that's most of the things I wanted to talk about today. What about yourself? [00:21:26] Speaker A: Well, I think we got it. I do want to say, you know, one final item about phishing. They're using some really advanced techniques. And so one of the things I did. I know because I saw your thing about deleting your mom's email. Of course, the interpretation I looked at it was, oh, deleting the email she gets. I think a while back I actually got access to her email and I do it every day now. I used to come in, like every month and there'd be hundreds of messages that delete. I'm so glad that I do it now a little bit at a time. So take that as a closure to that one that we did, I think, back in October, that to say, you know, sometimes you can take a little bit of that and make it a little bit every day instead of a lot every month. And it's a lot better to deal with. So, yeah, you know, that's a great good thing. Now she doesn't even know that she's losing and she doesn't need to know, you know, but they're sending her email on Ed and that she wanted breast implants. This is crazy. They need to read that. So, yeah. [00:22:28] Speaker B: Yeah, for sure. [00:22:29] Speaker A: Scan that email, get rid of it and make your life a lot. [00:22:33] Speaker B: I think that's a good plan. A good plan all around. [00:22:36] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:22:36] Speaker B: I was trying to think if there's anything at our. We would need to talk about, we would like to know from our listeners. So give us a. Give us a shout if you would care tech and tips gmail.com or you can comment on our YouTube videos. We'd love to hear. Hear some comments to say tell us if we're what we're doing a good job. If we're not doing a good job, we, we might not listen to you if you're telling us that, but who knows? But we'll see. Yeah, we, we, we'd like to have any kind of comments that you want to give us and especially any kind of opinions about subjects that you'd like for us to talk about. Give us a comment and as usual, please like and subscribe. And if you're listening to the community, hit the notification bell. So you know when we have new, new episodes coming out. And we always appreciate good reviews on, on Apple podcasts and Spotify and any of those other podcast platforms. And we just appreciate you taking the time to listen to us and put up with us. [00:23:36] Speaker A: And as always, nobody's that told you this. We're going to tell it to you now. Thank you for what you do for your loved one, because it's important and it makes a difference. [00:23:45] Speaker B: You're doing a good job. [00:23:46] Speaker A: You're doing a good job. [00:23:47] Speaker B: All right, y' all be good. We'll see you next time. [00:23:50] Speaker A: All right. [00:23:51] Speaker B: Bye. Bye.